A Feeling

A feeling surrounds my awakening
this morning, like a sea
all around the island of my bed.

A feeling of irretrievable loss
like an emptied bottle of wine,
a letter dropped into the mailbox,
like a present
once it is opened and becomes a thing,
like a woman
once she’s sure she’s loved.

A feeling
more strange than sad,
debilitating
rather than depressing
like a black hole inside
swallowing all that mattered
and light.

The feeling that this morning
someone as near
as a sister-beloved-friend and as remote
as any stranger
someone
dreaming of me
died.

Leonardo Alishan (1951-2005)

Born in Tehran to Armenian parents, Alishan moved to the US in the early '70's for graduate studies, after which he taught Persian literature and comparative literature in the University of Utah. He has two published poetry collections: "Dancing Barefoot on Broken Glass" and "Through a Dewdrop". He died in a tragic fire incident at his home in Utah, on January 9, 2005.

A poem from the Inside Cover of "Splendor Solis"

I'll show you the door when you decide to hold on to all that you've lost.
You see, all this is nothing when she comes and tears you apart.
Of course, all this is nothing if you hold the key to her heart.
I told you I am your saviour and your truth.
When you get down on the floor,
I will steal the soul from you if there is no truth.
Let's end this lie tonight.

When the thirteenth apostle is knocking at my door,
A new sun is rising in the east.
Did I tell you that?
It's true.
So sing thorughout the streets and sing throughout the night.
Go and tell the people my soul is aflight.
Although you might save me from all these emotions that are filling my mind,
All of your healers are still hurting my kind.
I will watch what the rain blows in,
And I will continue to tell people that a climb to the holy land
Is a slide to the devil's hand.

Something is going to change these times and I'll watch them fade away.
So if they want to keep me hung on their crosses
They'll have to find some bigger nails.
I will continue to walk these streets like a doubting Thomas
And I'll swear at saints when they pass me by.
Nothing is pure when everything is tainted.
Where am I going to go when I die?
So you see, I'll try to let you go and I'll try very hard to forget.
I don't think my thought will subside,
I guess I'm just losing my mind.
I'm walking alone, I'm standing in the sun.
I'm thinking about my life and how it's barely just begun.
I want to run.

- The Tea Party