Voices

Part I

After a prolonged unconsciousness
I look around with bloodshot eyes
Still shivering on the ground where I lie
As every inch of my body comes back to life...
Where am I? Where am I?

As the scheming day bows at its end
I lay in bed weary and spent
I think to myself but it's others' voices I hear
And my small gasps when I try to discover...
Who am I? Who am I?

I still find myself where I never thought I'd be,
In my mind, in my soul and physically
As the days, months and years pass by me
I look for myslef and I look for you...
Where is home? Where is home?

Copyright © 2008 Daisy Tchiftjian

In The Land of Opportunities

Lost in strange darkness and spent
I plunge my feet in and out of the sand
As my instincts drag me here and there
Alone, with only my homeland's music in my head.

I'm stranded in the desert
Far from the blanket of fake modernity,
Seeking other alien footrprints like mine
To find some shred of warm familiarity.

Footprints erased into oblivion
By the wind that carries my tune
Away and back like flickering fireflies
Under these starless moonlit skies.

The melody that now echoes in the air
Pulls me further into the blackness
Till I find myself moving to the rhythm of foreigness
In a round dance with other familiar srangers.

We find home again through this sensually vulgar beat,
For a few moments we feel relieved and complete
As we whirl around the fire of longing our souls create
Like pagans paying homage to Brigit.

And I wonder, as dawn creeps above the dunes,
If I'll ever reclaim my sense of belonging
In this land where we buy success
With the crushing price of loneliness.


Copyright © 2008 Daisy Tchiftjian

On The Horizon

See on the far away horizon
A silhouette figure standing alone
With her back turned to the world,
Someone whose trust has been shattered
To a thousand unmendable pieces,
But something floats in the air
Right beside her-
Her hand, and it’s still reaching out

With love
To give
To save…

Copyright © 2007 Daisy Tchiftjian

Enigmas To Resolve

Part I

Tribute to a little one I saw on TV and all those suffering from the same condition

See that boy about four years of age,
Wholeheartedly laughing with his parents,
Running around in the living room,
So happy and careless,
I wonder if he knows his fate;
Born with a terminal illness,
He’s his parents only joy – and ache.

It’s a story we hear everyday,
It stings like a mosquito bite
Then in a minute, fades away;
But it’s not like that when one sees it for real,
The way father and mother hold him steady
While his whole body heaves,
Coughing and breathing his heart out
As tears stream down his little face
To bare the pain of suffering in his eyes…
Oh the sight of that pain that haunts me to this day
Dear Lord, how can I feel happy again?!

Ode to a Familiar Unknown

‘Twas on a sunny afternoon,
On my way back home,
That my eyes chance upon
A familiar profile
Standing on the sidewalk,
Talking with gestures that I know
So well…

The blood in my veins
Rush to my heart that leaps
In an exhilarating rhythm,
Pounding like it does
When I’m waking up
From those dreams
Where I’m falling from the skies…

Alas…my heartbeat subsides
As I come to realize
That he is not you,
And my longing remains
But I am not disappointed,
For now I miss you
A moment less than eternity…

Copyright © 2007 Daisy Tchiftjian

Catharsis

Sealed memories rising up to shatter
The lid that nailed them in the coffin of my unconscious,
Shaking me with their shrieks,
Piercing me from within,
They come to life
To force their way
Back to my consciousness,
Torturing my soul again…

And I shiver
And I writhe,
Wet fumes of emotions perspire -
Gasping for air
While fever takes over my being;
I lose control
As venom pierces out of me,
Tearing itself out of my flesh.

“Leave me!” screams my soul,
“You belonged to the past,
There’s no place for you now or ever after”
“Make room for life!” my heart bellows;
“I’m shrinking into extinction
I need resuscitation,
Not from poison, but from a savior.”

Now the last drop of toxin withdraws
Like the demons did out of the leper,
And the fever in me subsides;
I feel revival breathing inside me
As warm white fire sets my soul alight
And all the poisons of the past,
And all that I’ve felt that I shouldn’t have
Absolve into an oblivion I do not see…

When The Ground Beneath You Shakes...

When you feel hopelessly helpless,
When the ground beneath your feet shakes,

Close your eyes, grit your teeth,
Brace your legs and clench your fists…
Face the force
And let the waves pass through you

Don’t fight
Nor cave in -
Stand still -
Just hold on to yourself,
Face every emotion -
Stand still -
Give in to yourself,
Let everything pierce through your soul

‘Cause when they leave it
Your holes will seal
Never to tear again

For when you open your eyes
And look around at all that was destroyed
While the ground beneath your feet shook,
You will see yourself -
The one who endured it all,
The one whom nothing could destroy -

The Invincible.

Copyright © 2007 Daisy Tchiftjian

Carry On

By Ara DerMosessian
Dedicated to someone who never fails to make me smile...

In a chamber of velvet she lay
In her eternal slumber she prays
Her sweet face pale as snow
For my fading soul she prays

At the boundary of our two worlds
my spirit seeks salvation
Death! Come for me swift and sudden
Save me from eternal damnation

As hope had died, so died my heart
Never to feel again, never to love again
Left alone to face the pain of deprivation
Never to be with her again...

She spoke to me one last time
Go! She said. Find the will to carry on!
For in life unseperated were we
And in death so we shall be

As I said my last farewell
My soul bled sweet tears
For in her life she gave me hope
And in her death I found life

Copyright © 2007 Ara DerMosessian

Happiness Stolen

by Ara DerMosessian

Looking in the mirror today
I saw myself an old man
How the years had changed me
My face, my hair, my eyes
The hollowness of the years
Reflected right through them
Had they been so empty
So devoid of the divine spark
That shines in the eyes of a bride
On her wedding night
Had they been so fruitless
That now here I was
With nothing but solitude for company
Had they been so short
They couldn't accommodate for
Nothing but my pursuit of
Pleasure, riches, satisfaction...

Flashback through timeless memories
Searching for happiness lost
Eyes wide open, senses keen
Yet everywhere I searched
People from my past kept screaming,
shouting at me, kicking at me.
For those were the forgotten ones,
The step stones in my path so full of peril…
Yet somehow along the road,
Were left behind and forgotten…

And then I came across her
The obsession of my dreams,
The reason for my misery
The one person who unbeknownst to her
Sent me on a perilous journey
and never expecting my return
Drowned herself in the sea
And there her ghost still lies
Swimming in the cold waters
Taunting my ravaged soul
To follow her in eternity

My whole existence screamed for her
Yet I never let love dwell in my heart
For as sad as life may be
It sure was sadder to love her
Yet another’s pride and joy,
Another’s beacon of hope
Another’s lover she may be…

And now as I stand at the shore
The twilight reflects in the sea
Reminding me of her
And a love that never can be
I look back at my life
Then back at the sea
Wait for me my love
For soon we shall meet again
Embraced in an eternal caress
You, me and the dark depths of the sea...

Copyright © 2007 Ara DerMosessian

White Cabinet

The inside of my white cabinet
Embodies everything that I am;
It’s a mess that’s locked away
Like the secrets in my brain.

Books and notebooks
Are not the only content,
Letters, notes and artworks,
Gifts, cards and pictures,
My past, my present,
And maybe even future,
Are all part of the scenery
Like the memories in my mind,
The thoughts that dwell inside
And feelings I try to hide.

Like the enigma that’s my being
And which my mind keeps concealed,
The inside of my cabinet
Is a sight not to be seen.

Copyright © 2007 Daisy Tchiftjian

In The Background

Sailing through my family photographs
Used to be my favorite childhood hobby;
To behold savored instances from the past,
Whether they did or didn’t include me.

There’s one picture that I liked most,
Of my then five-year-old brother,
Looking angelic and so enviably pretty
That I’d boast to my friends that it was me!

In that photo, my mother sits in the background;
Her part is darker but her ardently glowing grin -
Which she directs at her smiling little son -
Is simply far too bright to be left unseen.

Twenty-eight years after that picture
I now happen to look at another.
There’s my nephew who was then one year old,
And behind him laughing, his toy I hold.

My mother’s still grinning in the background,
Her gaze, this time, directed at her grandson.
Her defiant grin - still bright, still lively, still wide -
Always keeps setting my own spirit wild.

Eternity steals moments with these shots, but I -
I wish to snatch Infinity from the grip of Time
For I fear, one day, to look at a picture of my Child
And not see my mother’s defiant grin in the background…

Copyright © 2007 Daisy Tchiftjian

A Feeling

A feeling surrounds my awakening
this morning, like a sea
all around the island of my bed.

A feeling of irretrievable loss
like an emptied bottle of wine,
a letter dropped into the mailbox,
like a present
once it is opened and becomes a thing,
like a woman
once she’s sure she’s loved.

A feeling
more strange than sad,
debilitating
rather than depressing
like a black hole inside
swallowing all that mattered
and light.

The feeling that this morning
someone as near
as a sister-beloved-friend and as remote
as any stranger
someone
dreaming of me
died.

Leonardo Alishan (1951-2005)

Born in Tehran to Armenian parents, Alishan moved to the US in the early '70's for graduate studies, after which he taught Persian literature and comparative literature in the University of Utah. He has two published poetry collections: "Dancing Barefoot on Broken Glass" and "Through a Dewdrop". He died in a tragic fire incident at his home in Utah, on January 9, 2005.

A poem from the Inside Cover of "Splendor Solis"

I'll show you the door when you decide to hold on to all that you've lost.
You see, all this is nothing when she comes and tears you apart.
Of course, all this is nothing if you hold the key to her heart.
I told you I am your saviour and your truth.
When you get down on the floor,
I will steal the soul from you if there is no truth.
Let's end this lie tonight.

When the thirteenth apostle is knocking at my door,
A new sun is rising in the east.
Did I tell you that?
It's true.
So sing thorughout the streets and sing throughout the night.
Go and tell the people my soul is aflight.
Although you might save me from all these emotions that are filling my mind,
All of your healers are still hurting my kind.
I will watch what the rain blows in,
And I will continue to tell people that a climb to the holy land
Is a slide to the devil's hand.

Something is going to change these times and I'll watch them fade away.
So if they want to keep me hung on their crosses
They'll have to find some bigger nails.
I will continue to walk these streets like a doubting Thomas
And I'll swear at saints when they pass me by.
Nothing is pure when everything is tainted.
Where am I going to go when I die?
So you see, I'll try to let you go and I'll try very hard to forget.
I don't think my thought will subside,
I guess I'm just losing my mind.
I'm walking alone, I'm standing in the sun.
I'm thinking about my life and how it's barely just begun.
I want to run.

- The Tea Party

* * * * - By Ara D.S. ft. Daisy Ch.

Racing for the Future one step at a time
Like a clockwork train set upon the line...

From dawn of life to light's demise
We work the land, we seek our prize .
With promise of the Future and lessons of the past
We pave our way to rest at last.

Feelings of joy, feelings of sorrow,
Feelings of ecstacy, feelings of pain
And feelings of everything in between
Fill the emptiness within the soul...

Men have always come to pass
So will the Future become the past
When the fall of the sandwatch's grains
Marks the seconds collapsed.

The sweet smell of the damp ground
Signs the proof of life's presence
While the wind blows through the sand
Searching for the meaning of existence.

And As winter turns to spring,
We shall learn to live at last,
With the vigor of our offspring
And memories of the past...

Building the Future one step at a time
Like a clockwork train set upon the line

Difference

Love me not because I think like you,
But because I think the way I do...

Copyright © 2006 Daisy Tchiftjian

Fable

In the Land where windfalls of wonders hap,
There a wild Lion and a tamed Deer met;
And so an unforeseen marvel befell
When Lion and Deer for each other fell.

As time moved along their lives
Their love started to shake with rage,
For Lion and Deer found themselves
'Rousing in each other outrage.

The causes were as clear as fresh air:
Their differences were too much to bear.
He was invincible, a mountain dire,
She was fragile as a flickering fire.

Her endurance worn out, the deer ran away,
She lived on her own, fighting her dismay.
But life taught her to become unwavering,
Thus she overcame her tears and suffering.

One fine day, Lion and Deer met again by fate,
And the Lion saw how gracefully she'd changed,
While the Deer, reborn, she looked on him anew,
And finally realized the "Lion" was a deer too...

Copyright © 2003 Daisy Tchiftjian
Written in summer 2003

...

I want to go where no human has gone,
To touch down where no one has stepped on;
Not for grandiose, triumph and mighty ambitions,
But to see what a place is like that’s not corrupted by humans.

Copyright © 2006 Daisy Tchiftjian

The Dance

“This Big Hush” plays in my ears
Its bewitching melody making me reach into my depths;
Slowly I start to become undone
As I decompose to identify every emotion …

Closing my eyes, I trace the fence around my soul…
Pain is tugging at my mind fighting for its survival,
Trying to resurface from its evasion,
As it struggles to embrace my being…

Holding a burning torch,
It takes my hand and escorts me
To where the agitated fervors
Waited for the revival of their destiny…

Anger was the first to reach out,
Then Longing was soon to follow up;
Injury didn’t stay behind
Neither did Sadness nor Grief…

My back heavy with these burdens, Pain pulled me back to itself;
It twirled me around in a swirling dance
Till I felt weightlessness in the heaviness
And in the light I saw the darkness…

Copyright © 2006 Daisy Tchiftjian

You vs Me

To be or not to be –
That is not the question
When it comes to my confusion
And feelings of anxiety.

Considerate of others’ sensitivities,
I am being suffocated
Silently accepting everyone
And everything…

No matter what

Just to give
Just to love
Just to please
Just to relieve

But my heart shrinks
And my soul swells
I feel it tearing to shreds
Bleeding the color of torment…

How can I be unselfish
Without hurting myself?
How can I be selfish
And not hurt anyone else?

Yet at the end of the day
When it really comes down to it
No one can really hurt you
More than you can hurt yourself.

And I tell you

… Do unto yourself
As you would have others do unto you;
…Love yourself
As your neighbour loves you.

Copyright © 2006 Daisy Tchiftjian

To My Sunshine

Cruising inside my sentiments of longings
I leaf through the photos of the recent past,
And feelings of yearning take over me,
And the need to trade the pictures with reality…

What I wouldn’t give to recapture the moment

When his baby hand grabbed hold of my finger,

To see his wide smile light up his face and my heart

While he slept and dreamt as if of angels…

What I wouldn’t give to have been there
During the years I’ve missed and will miss again,
To watch him grow, and live in wonder
As he discovers life and I discover him...

>>Daisy Tchiftjian

To my Nephew...

Copyright © 2006 Daisy Tchiftjian